After You Seduce a Man…Then What?

photo by Monique Torok in our Ayurvedic center one late beautiful night

Seductress.

She knows how to win…something.  It’s something she doesn’t have, she needs, she lacks.  And her winning does not restore balance, although it may bring her (and her lover) pleasure.

Yesterday I was coaching someone who told me that since she stopped eating sugar she experienced “hunger” for the first time.  She realized that she had only known “craving” before.  Wow!  I asked if she could explain what hunger and what craving feels like.  She said craving is when you have to have something now, compulsion.

My God craving is exciting, pleasure filled, even more fun when others are craving it too.  Craving is the tool of Seductress.  Ok so for someone lacking passion Craving might be a step up from numbness, but when you’re done you’re still…Craving.

I’ve had Craving sex.  How can I tell?  Cause when it’s over all I want to know is if we can have more.  I can’t transition to the next place I need to be.  My “leave the house for work” alarm has already stopped itself and I’m still not dressed.  I can’t focus.  It’s like a bliss hangover.  Sound familiar?

And I’ve had present sex. Now let me pause a minute.  It’s possible to have some fucking powerful orgasms and feel a lot of love, and it’s still Craving sex.  Guess I’m not done describing that one yet. Craving sex is when we forget about birth control, when we don’t ask about STDs, when we yell out like we’re in the Applachian mountains under the full moon but we’re actually in our friend’s bedroom (and next door are some people freaking out who haven’t come to a workshop on erotic soundscapes with Zahava…yet.)

When sex is habitual, we are just asking to feel Craving. When sex is present it’s creative.   We hear sounds and requests we’ve never voiced before.  We are in no rush, we’ve already arrived in the connection and I could stroke your earlobe for 12 amazing minutes.

“This is as good as it gets,” I remember my lover saying to me with light eyes and eyebrows lifted.  It was kind of relaxing, it’s subtle.  Nothing is happening.  It feels like meditation. I think, this is it?!  But then I’m struggling every time it’s not this.

There are people who will ask to be seduced.  And the Seductress uses it as a reason to get what she wants…or at least what she thinks she wants.  Do I want to seduce a man who wants to be seduced and then…then what?  How else can we connect if that’s not the game anymore?

Thank you to my dear friends and lovers who have helped me learn this, I could not learn this without community.