- movement that helps feeling safe and happy in the body
- movement that leads to openess, agility, mobility and fluidity
- movement that energizes, uplifts
- movement that makes me feel alive vibrant and ecstatic
- movement that is s delicious that i can’t help doing it every day !
- movement that gets me in touch with my beauty and power and radiance
- movement that makes me take the full space that is mine
- movement that makes me express all that i am without fear or passive range !
- movement that makes me naturally align with the innate wisdom and intelligence of my own body !
- movement that doesn’t feel like exercise but instead organic language of my being!
How can I serve you?
In the desert of Tucson, Arizona I walked with Kenneth Ray Stubbs and a small group of amazingly perceptive folks. We had all gathered for a training course in the Sexual Shaman Path. Ray started this morning by reminding us that extraorinary things are always occuring, are actually quite ordinary, it’s just that we don’t often hear people sharing them. I knew this to be true as soon as I heard him say it.
My intention in this blog is to share some of the less shared “extraordinary” experiences of being human. I trust many of us are on similar journies. I’ve been so grateful for the stories and responses to my new blog, and the conversations it has opened. I look forward to sharing more and to hearing the magic that is living in your bodies too!
Often I will journey into orgasmic meditation. The orgasm will root into the basin of my pelvis and spin life energy up through my body. It’s not really through the spine, but in a spineward direction. I have learned when I move from my bones it’s distinctly different than moving through the water of my organs. I have discovered that listening to life energy during orgasm is more of a water listening: a rounder, fuller, reverberatory listening to life energy. The water listening fills the insides of my skin rather than traversing the directionality of my bone-snake-red-blood-cell-hatching spine. This water listening hears the orgasm as it expands to the inner surface of my body and then shifts into a lighter form, one beyond the unit of the individual. The orgasm is simply radiating from a point in space that happens to be the same point where my human form exists, but no longer contains it.
I feel the orgasm reach Her fingers (it’s not always a Her, but this one was) into my gut and only then do I remember how much I can trust. My belly opens. It almost tickles to loosen this constant reflex of holding, harnessing my identity to my snake spine with the deepest layers of my transverse abdominals.
I guide my attention to the Wisdom rather than to the pleasure. The Wisdom speaks through the language of pleasure, rather than on the topic of pleasure. When I ride the Wisdom the pleasure continues. Sometimes my attention shifts to chasing the pleasure, like listening faster than a friend is speaking, waiting for what I want to hear. I squeeze my feeling and my wanting until I remember to ride the Wisdom and my attention starts to expand like my belly.
Then the heart flying begins.
For years I would Wisdom Ride but did not know how to express what was occuring to the world outside my body. I could kiss these digital letters, the gaps they are now bridging!
ON 3? CHOREOGRAPHING ORGASMS?
Yesterday my body gifted me with an amazing surprise. I stood in my temple studio rolling my heels off the Earth, coming onto my toes. I focused my attention into my heart. My arms clapped in front of my heart and opened in a rhythmic 3 beats. In this moment I experienced the deep heart opening I had only before felt during expanded orgasms, tribal weddings, and deep grieving after death.
The immensity of love popped in on the third beat, my mouth opened and I fell to my bed laughing like a young girl who just discovered the doorway to the magical garden I thought was a 4 hour hike from here. Running my hands over my head turning side to side in disbelief, I laughed with waves of joy. This is the joy I felt seeing Grandma’s face at her 90th surprise birthday party.
I used to clear the screen of my awareness when joy flooded me. It felt like what I imagine my desktop experiences when I click the “Spaces” icon on my mac and slide into a new space knowing the clutter of my projects is hiden in a virtual pocket one click away. But now, there is a trust that does not need the messes and challenges to disappear for me to feel it. It is all here, the alarm clock for work that will go off in 13 hours, the death of my parents years into the future… it is all here with me as I feel this joy.
There is some part of me that is not delicate and not physical, that I live from in these moments.
She touches me as air surrounding my warm skin. She tosses my spine at times just to assure Herself that I am not bracing or defending my posture. Ninety minutes into rehearsal She pops me out of the studio to sit and recognize Her with these words. I hope to receive Her again. I want Her to take me. I plan to go home and turn on the music and wait for Her to join me again. She is mentoring me to serve.
Tonight we were invited to channel spirit through the crown of our heads and into our sex. We were reminded that dance is the core practice of igniting our life force energy. I know this deeply and I often find myself teaching this, but to hear it from teachers around me, and especially those older than myself feels unbelievably nourishing. Most of my students are older than me and explicitly comment on their desire to connect to their youthful sexual energy through my age. But I know that this wisdom is ageless and the transmission of it across generations is becoming restored.
What I’m so moved by is that the healing is happening everywhere. In our dancing tonight we sat in a circle where a young woman gifted us with her trust and her story of rape and depletion. The room felt more relaxed and present than I have ever felt when hearing this story. We gently spoke our questions our experiences and moved into prayer for her wholeness. I intend to share this here and now without revealing her identity holding the intention that more dance classes penetrate us so deeply and so collectively. Banafsheh reminded us that we are not whole if one of us is not whole. This sisterhood feels incredible, it trembles me with love. It feels so different than the unconscious competition or comparison that can so easily slide between gorgeous women.
We all rose from the Earth to Dance for God, because that’s what you do on a Thursday night in the city. It’s becoming simpler. Being whole, being sisters…is becoming simpler. Thank you for reminding me tonight.
Returning from Ceremony with my sisters, I am overflowing with Gratitude. On the snow dusted grass, at the edge of Lake Joseph, we gathered for 24 hours, a full moon and sun cycle to share our gifts. The Shift has started. Looking into each others eyes, harmonizing, shimmeying, storytelling, meditating, mmmm….and the kitchen, Goddess! The kitchen overflowing with more delicious roots, berries, lentils, salads, chocolates, berries… than we could eat. We have such gifts, our intution is ripe, our voices clear, we are ready. Our histories are blessing us more and more as we bring understanding and love to the same stories that used to torment us. Thank you Queen GodIs for helping me hear this tonight.
I return home to my sex meditation under the orange waning moon. Today I have heard stories from wombs ready to release traumas and energies no longer serving. As I spread my legs, freshly bathed, I focus my mind on a pleasure prayer.
God, Goddess, may this pleasure spill up my spine and runneth over from my heart and breasts. May the universe experience its deepest pleasures through my human form. May this joy set the frequency for my life. May this laughter and ecstasy cleanse me. May this sex purify me and my Sisters. May this fullness fill our holes. Love, love is being made. May we see love, hear love, be love. I am making love out of the form that is my body. Thank you Spirit, oh thank you for making us life creating. Thank you for making us Life, creating. This life force swelling in my yoni, in my third eye, may it widen the straw of our love. May it awaken any parts of us that are not turned on, so we may be trully grateful for life.
I bow to the sex in me, it is Spirit, it is Creator of life, love, healing. I am trembling. Sex appeal is Life Appeal. May my capacity to feel this full, this happy, this nourished expand in my life as it is now in my body. Each inhale is opening me. Sisters, our wombs are the Source of our Healing, our wombs are Source in human form. These are the portals through which ancestry is brought onto the Earth, when we touch them with devotion we are touching Spirit.
- Sexual energy is a creative energy. Yoga for the Sexual Priestess engages the following of our body’s instincts as a Creator. This deepens our awareness of how we are feeling.
- Cultivating life energy is an erotic and spiritual experience, the full expression of the sacred body and sensual spirit is welcomed through breath and sound as One with the Great Everything.
- The language guiding this practice spans systems in our body including the skeletal, soul, organ, sexual, chakra, muscular, collective and ancestral anatomies expanding our personal practice into a whole context. We enter different states of mind by focusing on specific systems, the language of Yoga for the Sexual Priestess intentionally weaves sex and spirit in the ancestral web for the evolution of trust, love, and passion.
- Anchoring awareness in the Love and Sex centers, the two hearts that heal, create & nourish life, creates awe & ecstasy.
- Rocking, undulating, and vibration are qualities of movement not usually found in a yoga class. They deeply access our life force energy and naturally occur during embodied transformations including orgasm, deep grieving, and soul shaking laughter. We use them to invoke transformation.
- We visit the animal spirit of the poses to remember our resilient and sensual animal instincts.
Orgasm. Deep grieving. Belly laughter. Muscle spasm.
The moment after each of these, we often feel a deep release and peace. They are all forms of vibration…holding on, letting go, holding on, letting go until we really let go. They are all bridges into the involuntary nervous system.
In Orgasm the physical body literally has a spasm through the musculature of the pelvic floor and the womb flutters. In deep grieving and belly laughter the diaphragm contracts and releases with rapid energy and breath. In muscle spasm the muscle contracts and releases and contracts until it surrenders and lengthens. We surrender to the trembling and our voluntary nervous system stops controling the process.
We can have a consciousnessgasm too! Just before our awareness expands we can feel disorientation. My whole life I thought it was hard to make money, wait I can make money? no it’s hard, no wait there are lots of successful passionate people….and then our reality surrenders and the beliefs expand.
What I’ve noticed in the last decade of supporting people through physical and spiritual transformation is that before the transformation there is a vibration. It may not feel good, transformation as much as we seek it does not always “feel” good while it’s happening. But then afterwards there is an expansion!
In the last six months I went to study with Peter Levine, international trauma healing expert and creator of “somatic experiencing.” I also trained with a group of dance therapists on healthy embodiment for trauma survivors. In both of these professional development settings the theme of vibration, trembling, shaking emerged.
Animals do not retain trauma in their systems. Ok, imagine we’re field mice and we gather for dinner. I’m not going to be sitting there petrified telling you, “wow, I almost died 3 times today there was a huge hawk overhead and he came swooping down and I think I’m never going out to the field again!” No, animals tremble and shake until the fear moves through their nervous system and they continue living. Somewhere in our great human evolution we interrupted this process.
So while I was at these trainings with trauma specialists I kept asking why don’t we shake each day and rinse out our nervous system?! Do we have to wait for a trauma? And they were intrigued. Now, this is not new in other cultures where drumming and shaking is a daily practice.
As a yoga teacher and dancer I’ve noticed that a lot of folks try stretching but they are still tight. Sometimes deep stretches actually make them more tight. Recently I saw a rolfer and she was surprised to hear that I’ve been dancing intensely for 30 years and have no injuries. I mean dancing 2-8, sometimes 12 hours a day, and no injuries. She let me know that most dancers and yogis she works on have a lot of chronic injuries and I started to wonder what my body learned and how I can share it with others.
Shaking! Every day I put on music and I shake and let it rattle my breath and recreate my body on a cellular level. Really deep shaking so that sounds come from my throat, the world around me becomes blurry, every part of my body is in motion. Then I localize the vibration and literally shimmey down my legs inside of the hamstring stretchs, IT stretches, inner thigh stretches…I tremble. I remember when I worked with Anodea Judith, a pioneer in chakra health, that energy can move more deeply through a vibrating leg than one with contracted muscles. Later when dancing with Egyptian Priestess, Leslie Zehr, the same theme came up.
So I have started to teach vibration inside of yoga poses. I’m reframing the goal, it’s not so focused on physical flexibility as much as charging the energy through a muscle and oxygenating the tissue. The muscle contracts, releases, contracts….and then transforms. In fact sometimes a really limber body has the hardest time finding this shaking. But the shaking actually repairs, heals, and strengthens our embodiment. It prepares us for what Peter Levine describes as trauma proofing. I would say it integrates the soul body into the physical body so we can live at ease and playfully in a present body.
I’m thrilled to be sharing this approach in my classes and private sessions. I’d love to hear about your experiences with this process too! What are you noticing in your bodies, with your clients, and students?
On Sept 6, 2012, I had the honor dancing Swing Us Sky Rain(bow) at the American Dance Guild Performance Festival. The piece was choreographed by Shani Collins-Achille and focused on breaking the generational cycle of domestic abuse.
Shani facilitates women’s circles for empowerment and this was the perfect intersection of the healing and performing we are here to create. When the lights come up I am the only one laying on the ground, representing those women who have fallen. My 5 sisters are walking softly around me dropping rose petals with compassion and starting the first moves of a dance that will ignite all of us into our fierceness.
During tech week I had the honor of facilitating our cast to get more connected to the work and to each other. The piece centered on Ursula Rucker’s poem, The Return of Innocence Lost (see below.) The dancers were so strong, so embodied, so passionate during this sound scape.